'The Origin of My Orientation" -or "Another One Joins the Team"

3 nights ago after receiving a call from my boy English (a.k.a. Rock a.k.a. Carl) that he needed some cash I walked over to his cousin apartment where he stays from time to time. I don't mind helping him out during this time with his money troubles. He just got finished telling me about his new venture with a local artist who is looking for new space. He's an emigre from the U.K. who's been here for 9 years working off the books (I know, this was new to me!) and was comfortable living with his current lover. Recently, he just split from his lover of a year and a half. Seems he picked up a bad crack/heroin habit. After a few pieces of jewelry came up missing E packed most of his things and split. Some how between this and finding out the stylist that he was working with is wearing the clothes he customized for a Terrell Owens shoot he wound up talking about the video store (Aren't I the king of run-on sentences?) where we first met a year and some change ago. I was kinda surprised to know he still hangs around there. Seems the video store with it's key location on Fulton St. in a residential/commerical area is still thriving. Thriving despite the repeated attempts of it's owners to dissuade the key demographic of men seeking men that frequent it's peep booths. Curious, I asked if English had encountered a man there my height of 6'2", with light-brown eyes, a meticuliously maintained mane of dreadlocks, light brown complextion, who could pass for a model. He searched his memory and said he knew who I spoke of. I spit out the same description with much more detail and got the same answer. I couldn't believe my ears but was giddy at the thought of it. English knew exactly who I described. In recent months I have seen him around my way in Clinton Hill. Whether on my way to work or leaving to go home blocks away I encounter him on an almost daily basis. In fact, he showed up at my place of work, in the art store. Although his face was familiar I couldn't place while I was preoccupied with my work duties. I told him he looked familar to me and if I knew him. He responded by asking if I graduated from Pratt. I answered yes. He lied saying we both lived in Cannoneer Court, one of the freshman dorms on campus. "No" I responded, "I NEVER lived there while attending Pratt." What a bold-faced liar. Everyone knows I transferred into the school. Why lie to me about something so benign as where we know each other. I pass by him everyday and the asshole fails to realize that I know him from years ago. Typical down-low nigga. Always undercover from even the people who were friends with him once. The person in question was one Eddie Jacobs. Though he is not wanted for any known crimes legal or in love he is responsible for my conscious decision to become same gender-loving. Here's how it went down, 15 years ago I attended an artists commune of high school students chosen to attend classes and live with one another at Wesleyan University. For 6 weeks you get to hang out with fellow visual artists, theater majors, writers, theater techs, singers, all types of singers. The first year was great so I chose to go again a second year. This year I had befriended a group of guys with whom I had more than one thing in common (no not that!) -we were all gifted and black. I had developed a crush on a puerto rican girl who I thought was attracted to me. Boy was I wrong. One day while sitting in the grass and listening intently to a speech given by program head B. Joan Hickey I got the idea to lightly brush her leg as if to stoke it but not quite. The skin of her leg was creamy and beautiful and i just wanted to feel. Once I did I lied telling her I was brushing an ant off of her leg. After the event was over I headed to back to my room in the dorms. Suddenly, I was confronted by the same guys whom I thought were my friends and the girl. I tried to explain myself but was confronted by an onslaught of allegations and concerns. "She could charge you with sexual assault" Eddie said. For touching her leg? That scene reverberated thoughout my head as I walked back to my room. Betrayed and confused I made the decision to turn my attraction from the opposite sex to my own. I haven't looked back since. It has saved me from heartbreak and rejection not to mention loveless relationships, confusion, and most importantly unwanted children. The thought that Eddie had succumbed to the similar activity that I had made fun of in jest years before had me skipping down the street. Much later did I realize that this was sign that I had competition. Competition from the same guy who influenced my decision to abandon my desires of the opposite sex. I mean sure I had attractions for men earlier on before this happened but this incident is what sent me over the edge. The thought that this same person who drove me away from one end of the sexual spectrum was now indulging in the same activity that I am sickens me. Not only that but he's hot. Both women and men find him incredibly attractive and this means only one thing -I have to step up my game. Spend months in the gym, groom myself better, stop eating entirely. All because of his decision to go bi. God, I could be having sex with someone who could blown him! I don't know whether to shake his hand and welcome him to the club or break his jaw!