5.27.2007
This is just Ludacris...
And then some. A little of my on-screen work from earlier. Enjoy!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mE1hFushcqc
http://www.ebay.com/ludacrisharley
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mE1hFushcqc
http://www.ebay.com/ludacrisharley
5.24.2007
My Independence Day
I'm counting my blessings. I'm rushing off to a shoot for Sony today. Hard to believe it 's just a year ago to the day I was fired from Pratt Institute. I'm in a different place now and (universe willing) looking forward to being in a much better place next year.
5.11.2007
Unnecessary Bullshit!
The following is an email correspondence from yesterday morning:
Me:
Darryl:
On Wednesday afternoon I met Darryl after work for dinner at Mudville before going to see a sneak preview of 28 Weeks Later. I'd gotten the passes for free and we were both eager to see it. He was looking all spiffy and handsome in his dark blue suit. He recounted about how many people (including women) remarked about his state of dress. It was a beautiful sunny day out and everyone was on their way home from work. We decided to sit at the front table where the window was open to the passerbyers on the sidewalk. I was never a fan of open air restaurants because no one wants a view of people walking by except those who want to be seen. This time I would make an exception. After we ordered our drinks we continued talking. Suddenly Darryl made a comment about one of guys standing near the curb talking to another guy on the sidewalk. I shrugged it off and said it was nothing, just 'casual observation'. Truth is everyone does this in New York. After a dinner of wings and Long Island iced teas we proceeded to the train to get up to the AMC Loews on 34th St. On our way to the train I spoke to Darryl about my inability to find work that's relative to my background and that lately I've been thinking of going for my Master's. I spoke to my friend Alejandro about the idea and he told me that it fine if you want to develop your portfolio but it's just "another paper". I expressed my views to Darryl just as I did Alejandro, I really don't want to concentrate on art and design anymore as I'm just looking to explore other options within performing arts. I went on to say I honestly don't think that I'm going to get someone to offer to pay me more than $30,000 to do something unless it's mindnumbingly boring or bureaucratic like my last job. Before getting on the train I told him I was getting increasingly frustrated and even asked him what if I threw myself in front of the on-coming train. "I'd wonder why did he just do that?" was all he said. While on the over-crowded train I continued with my conversation and told him I wished someone would reply to one of my resume submissions because "I'm getting tired of having to rewrite the fucking thing over and over!" Suddenly, Darryl asked me outloud why was I cursing, like as if I were offending anyone. The girl in the seat next to to us chuckled. I was quiet for the rest of the ride. Switched to the A train with him at 4th and continued to stay mum. Once we got off at 34th I scurried along with the rest of the human traffic and left Darryl behind. Once we got above ground I got a hold of my anger and let him catch up with me. "Are you sure you want me to come?" He asked, "because I can go home." I said 'yes'. Truthfully, I felt like I could have benefited more from talking to a wall. Once we got there the line of people was already pass the theater and growing. Two latina broads thatcut the line cause their friend let them even brought their 4 small children. Once we got on the end of the queue it was the most awkward silence. We were there by 6pm and the film wasn't to begin until 7:28pm. "We really should have gotten here two hours earlier." I said to Darryl. He was oddly quiet. There would have been plenty to talk about but he didn't really speak. "I'm not mad at you." I explained further was just "mad at the world" and the lack of opportunities within it for people like me. Nevermind that he pretty much told me to shut up in public. Waiting was the hard part but I excused myself to get a bottle of cold water to cool myself down in all the humidity. After getting back in line Alejandro's girlfriend spotted us standing in line and greeted us with hugs and kisses. She was on her way to the Pratt show at the Manhattan Center across the street and was curious about the growing line. We spoke for some time and she scurried off to the exhibition. It was growing close to the time and suddenly I spotted my friend, Brett ahead of the line. I called his cell phone to get his attention and we met up. He told me he had gotten there late and as a result he couldn't get in despite having a pass on hold. Everyone on line was disappointed. I even heard the phrases of "that's bullshit" from attendees. Well, it did say they weren't responsible for overbooking. That included the press. "That's okay," Brett said. " wasn't looking forward to seeing another zombie movie." "But they're not zombies," I answered and 'yes' I was looking forward to being creeped out. If my boyfriend couldn't raise my hopes that I'll be financially stable and have a positive career outlook then I could look forward to having my adrenaline raised. I asked Brett if he'd have a chance to see the Pratt show yet and he said no. I told him to go check it out. I had already gone during industry night. It would be the first time I'd attend a Pratt function since my dismissal from their employment. I told Brett that Darryl and I already attended but that I wouldn't mind going again. Darryl bowed out and said he was going home I asked him if he was sure (he got bored after an hour and went out for a smoke last time). He said "yeah, go ahead." Thinking it was fine and that he was already tired from the long day I let him retire. Boy was I wrong. After hanging out with Brett I went straight home to comfort him because I felt so wrong about my leaving him behind earlier. When I got home it was only 9:40 pm and he was already in bed. That's not good, I thought. I curled up next to him and said I was sorry for being selfish and that I loved him. I must've whispered this in his ear 3 times last night. I even asked if he was mad. "No", he said under his breath. I still had no fucking clue. All I kept thinking was here we go again with the crying and isolationism. Lest we both forget, Darryl was the one who opted to go home. He didn't protest or want to join Brett and I, even if for a brief 20 minutes. What pissed me off completely was the insinuation that I put Brett before him. When Darryl called me from work he was so upset he had to run downstairs to call me on his cell phone to say the following: "You did the same thing to me at Comiccon last year" he told me. He went further to say, "The minute Brett shows up you ditch me and run off to suck his dick!" I was so beside myself with anger I wanted to hang up on him. And I should have. My boyfriend is jealous and insecure about my relationship with a friend who's had a working relationship with me for 5 years. I just wanted to catch up with Brett and see how he was fairing after his split with his fiancee of 4 years. Maybe even get an opportunity to work with him on a project. You know, if I knew that I was going to have to deal with all this emotional bullshit I would've opted to have a girlfriend instead. If it isn't the accusations of "you don't love me" it's "there's somebody else besides me". WTF?! I really wish there was so I could have a good reason to leave him. I know I've said it before but sometimes I feel like calling his bald little 'rican friend, George and letting him know that he can have him back. This is bullshit. I put my livelihood on the line, come out to friends and family members with the idea this stupid relationship was worth having and all I get is drama, drama, drama! Sure, it may be acceptable if you're latin or want to "spice up" your relationship but this bullshit wears on me and I know I'm not alone. For someone with a heart problem Darryl really should stop with the unnecessary stress. Every other week it's some big issue that we stop talking to one another completely for 3-4 days and then after we're loveydovey saying "let's not fight anymore" to one another. My life is not Six Flags and I'm not about to go for another ride on the emotional rollercoaster called 'love'. I quit.
Me:
Not your fault. Thank you for your love and understanding. I hope we can make up for my selfishness last night.
Darryl:
It wasn't just that. It was all the cruising/looking at dudes, the walking off like I wasn't even there and being dumped when we were suppossed to be hanging together. I felt like I probably shouldn't have come by the end of the night. Now I know I shouldn't have. I certainly felt like shit when I got home. And unfortunately still do.
On Wednesday afternoon I met Darryl after work for dinner at Mudville before going to see a sneak preview of 28 Weeks Later. I'd gotten the passes for free and we were both eager to see it. He was looking all spiffy and handsome in his dark blue suit. He recounted about how many people (including women) remarked about his state of dress. It was a beautiful sunny day out and everyone was on their way home from work. We decided to sit at the front table where the window was open to the passerbyers on the sidewalk. I was never a fan of open air restaurants because no one wants a view of people walking by except those who want to be seen. This time I would make an exception. After we ordered our drinks we continued talking. Suddenly Darryl made a comment about one of guys standing near the curb talking to another guy on the sidewalk. I shrugged it off and said it was nothing, just 'casual observation'. Truth is everyone does this in New York. After a dinner of wings and Long Island iced teas we proceeded to the train to get up to the AMC Loews on 34th St. On our way to the train I spoke to Darryl about my inability to find work that's relative to my background and that lately I've been thinking of going for my Master's. I spoke to my friend Alejandro about the idea and he told me that it fine if you want to develop your portfolio but it's just "another paper". I expressed my views to Darryl just as I did Alejandro, I really don't want to concentrate on art and design anymore as I'm just looking to explore other options within performing arts. I went on to say I honestly don't think that I'm going to get someone to offer to pay me more than $30,000 to do something unless it's mindnumbingly boring or bureaucratic like my last job. Before getting on the train I told him I was getting increasingly frustrated and even asked him what if I threw myself in front of the on-coming train. "I'd wonder why did he just do that?" was all he said. While on the over-crowded train I continued with my conversation and told him I wished someone would reply to one of my resume submissions because "I'm getting tired of having to rewrite the fucking thing over and over!" Suddenly, Darryl asked me outloud why was I cursing, like as if I were offending anyone. The girl in the seat next to to us chuckled. I was quiet for the rest of the ride. Switched to the A train with him at 4th and continued to stay mum. Once we got off at 34th I scurried along with the rest of the human traffic and left Darryl behind. Once we got above ground I got a hold of my anger and let him catch up with me. "Are you sure you want me to come?" He asked, "because I can go home." I said 'yes'. Truthfully, I felt like I could have benefited more from talking to a wall. Once we got there the line of people was already pass the theater and growing. Two latina broads thatcut the line cause their friend let them even brought their 4 small children. Once we got on the end of the queue it was the most awkward silence. We were there by 6pm and the film wasn't to begin until 7:28pm. "We really should have gotten here two hours earlier." I said to Darryl. He was oddly quiet. There would have been plenty to talk about but he didn't really speak. "I'm not mad at you." I explained further was just "mad at the world" and the lack of opportunities within it for people like me. Nevermind that he pretty much told me to shut up in public. Waiting was the hard part but I excused myself to get a bottle of cold water to cool myself down in all the humidity. After getting back in line Alejandro's girlfriend spotted us standing in line and greeted us with hugs and kisses. She was on her way to the Pratt show at the Manhattan Center across the street and was curious about the growing line. We spoke for some time and she scurried off to the exhibition. It was growing close to the time and suddenly I spotted my friend, Brett ahead of the line. I called his cell phone to get his attention and we met up. He told me he had gotten there late and as a result he couldn't get in despite having a pass on hold. Everyone on line was disappointed. I even heard the phrases of "that's bullshit" from attendees. Well, it did say they weren't responsible for overbooking. That included the press. "That's okay," Brett said. " wasn't looking forward to seeing another zombie movie." "But they're not zombies," I answered and 'yes' I was looking forward to being creeped out. If my boyfriend couldn't raise my hopes that I'll be financially stable and have a positive career outlook then I could look forward to having my adrenaline raised. I asked Brett if he'd have a chance to see the Pratt show yet and he said no. I told him to go check it out. I had already gone during industry night. It would be the first time I'd attend a Pratt function since my dismissal from their employment. I told Brett that Darryl and I already attended but that I wouldn't mind going again. Darryl bowed out and said he was going home I asked him if he was sure (he got bored after an hour and went out for a smoke last time). He said "yeah, go ahead." Thinking it was fine and that he was already tired from the long day I let him retire. Boy was I wrong. After hanging out with Brett I went straight home to comfort him because I felt so wrong about my leaving him behind earlier. When I got home it was only 9:40 pm and he was already in bed. That's not good, I thought. I curled up next to him and said I was sorry for being selfish and that I loved him. I must've whispered this in his ear 3 times last night. I even asked if he was mad. "No", he said under his breath. I still had no fucking clue. All I kept thinking was here we go again with the crying and isolationism. Lest we both forget, Darryl was the one who opted to go home. He didn't protest or want to join Brett and I, even if for a brief 20 minutes. What pissed me off completely was the insinuation that I put Brett before him. When Darryl called me from work he was so upset he had to run downstairs to call me on his cell phone to say the following: "You did the same thing to me at Comiccon last year" he told me. He went further to say, "The minute Brett shows up you ditch me and run off to suck his dick!" I was so beside myself with anger I wanted to hang up on him. And I should have. My boyfriend is jealous and insecure about my relationship with a friend who's had a working relationship with me for 5 years. I just wanted to catch up with Brett and see how he was fairing after his split with his fiancee of 4 years. Maybe even get an opportunity to work with him on a project. You know, if I knew that I was going to have to deal with all this emotional bullshit I would've opted to have a girlfriend instead. If it isn't the accusations of "you don't love me" it's "there's somebody else besides me". WTF?! I really wish there was so I could have a good reason to leave him. I know I've said it before but sometimes I feel like calling his bald little 'rican friend, George and letting him know that he can have him back. This is bullshit. I put my livelihood on the line, come out to friends and family members with the idea this stupid relationship was worth having and all I get is drama, drama, drama! Sure, it may be acceptable if you're latin or want to "spice up" your relationship but this bullshit wears on me and I know I'm not alone. For someone with a heart problem Darryl really should stop with the unnecessary stress. Every other week it's some big issue that we stop talking to one another completely for 3-4 days and then after we're loveydovey saying "let's not fight anymore" to one another. My life is not Six Flags and I'm not about to go for another ride on the emotional rollercoaster called 'love'. I quit.
5.09.2007
An Open Letter to Time Magazine:
After reading "10 Questions", May 14, 2007 I have a few questions to ask Russell Simmons regarding his impassioned plea to "clean up" hiphop. How much "self analysis" did it take to make Simmons stop and think about the music/culture that put him in the nice big mansion he now owns? Was he asleep all this time? If Don Imus were a black man instead of a white man would he have taken such a stance? Is Mr. Simmons trying to exonerate himself and appeal to his predominately white democratic friends that fund his political interests? We already have an issue with civil liberties in this country why muddle it with further censorship? From Jimmy "the Greek" to Isaiah Washington, public figures have made derogatory remarks, leaving egg on their faces. If "nappy-headed ho' " is the worst you have been called then you have not been living in America long enough. Just watching BET is mainstream schadenfreude! Yes, misogyny and racism were here centuries before hip hop or even jazz for that matter. Yes, it is American as apple pie but keeping offensive words from the ears of babes will not alleviate the problem, it just covers it up. We as black Americans need to stop defining ourselves by what white men say and think. But we as a nation also need to come to a realization that words are not imbued with power. It is the actions that take place in their wake we should worry about. Taking away artists' voice is not as sensible as people like Simmons would like to think. Bringing up honest discussions about racism and sexism with youth sounds more rational. If people were much more vigilant sales of offensive music would drop and 50 Cent's "In Da Club" wouldn't have been in heavy rotation on the drive home from work. But then Russell Simmons wouldn't be the music mogul he is and have a platform on which to plug his new book. If Russell Simmons wants to combat racially disparaging remarks will he please shut up those ignorant white guys that cannot stop making bad jokes about my large penis? It hurts, really.
5.03.2007
It Will Be Coming Around Again...
Corny title, I know but Carly Simon was telling the truth. Earlier this week my boy Alejandro told me he opened up the lastest issue of Communication Arts and saw my picture in an ad. "Your face is huge!", he remarked. I didn't really believe or understand as I didn't pose for anything advertised in there. "When you get a chance you should check it out." The other day after meeting Darryl for dinner at BBQ's I decided we should take a walk down to Barnes and Noble see what Alej was talking about. Being familiar with the magazine didn't help because Darryl had a better chance of picking it out of the bunch. "There it is!" Once I picked the book up it opened up to the middle of the issue as if by magic. There before my face was my face, I was looking back at my face. Sheesh! Above it the type read "Serious Designer". We both laughed. After being turned away time and again by art directors and design firms for lack of experience when inquiring about employment I'm featured in an ad as a designer, a serious designer within the pages of a national design magazine! Furthermore, knowing that issue is going to wind up on the desks of the Career Center and in the Communication Design department at Pratt Institute fills me with joy. Knowing the issue is going to be carried by the very same fecal-brained douchebags at the Prattstore that fired me around this time last year gives me the biggest fucking hard-on in the last fifteen years! This won't mean I'll have a swelled head but at least I can keep mine up and continue walking. Darryl and Crystal are saying that God is trying to tell me something. That maybe I should strongly consider going back to doing illustration and design work. Guess it's the ultimate validation/vendication. I don't know but I cannot thank the big guy more than enough. I vehemently apologize for any lack of faith I may have had before. Hmmm...maybe I'll even make a donation to a needy church.
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